For the past few years, many of my friends have gotten engaged or have started gaining very serious significant others. I am most definitely happy for them but I cannot help but feel left behind a bit when I see them less and less and finally when I never do. There is no falling out, no disagreements, but just plain distance and absence.
We have become strangers to one another.
In an effort to not point fingers and say that they are being selfish for forgetting about me and their other friends yet rebounding to me when things go on in their relationship, I want to look and worry about my own life and why I am letting myself feel this way.
I have tried telling myself that I am just jealous, hoping for that one true love to come into my life. Of course, it would be nice and I do hope that maybe one day I’ll be selfless enough to fall in love and maybe even get married and have lots of cute little brats.
But right now…it just isn’t something I want. I want to so bad, believe me, but no one peaks my interest. I attract handsome, younger men, usually in their early twenties, and I find myself getting turned off within a matter of weeks after dating them. I always find some excuse to not date anyone.
Perhaps I am just scared of commitment. I do not want to make myself absent from anything or anyone. I am not getting any younger but I still feel the youthfulness and independence running through my veins…
I am not ready for it to go. At least not yet…
